


LAMP Shopping

by MagicQuill42



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 06:36:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16907985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicQuill42/pseuds/MagicQuill42
Summary: Well maybe if someone hadn’t broken the lamp, you wouldn’t be stuck in IKEA and could flirt with your four boyfriends in the living room like a normal person!





	LAMP Shopping

**Author's Note:**

> I feel bad about the amount of angst I’ve been writing so when this idea occurred to me I didn’t even hesitate to write it out. Please, take this pure, untarnished fluff fic.

“Ooooo, this one’s pretty!” Patton said, cooing softly and stroking a feathery carpet that matched nothing in their home, let alone the living room.

Regardless, Patton turned to him, puppy dog eyes already on.

“Can we get this one, Lo? Can we, can we?”

“Absolutely not.” Logan said. “It’s far too gaudy for a living room setting.”

Patton’s face fell and Virgil patted his shoulder gently.

“It’s okay, Pat.” He said. “Maybe we can come back later and get it for the room.”

The both have Logan a hopeful look and he knew he was hooped. He gathered some measure of decorum and nodded.

“If there’s room in the budget… maybe.”

Patton grinned and started peppering his face with kisses. Logan flushed and tried to push him off, but it was all too ineffective.

“Oh, are we making the nerd blush now?” He heard Roman ask.

Virgil replied with something witty and soon enough Logan was boxed in by his three boyfriends, each seeking to make him an absolute spectacle in the middle of ikea.

Eventually, and with a lot of huffing, he showed them off him. No doubt he was the shade of a solanum lycopersicum. He adjusted his tie back into place and faces his boyfriends squarely.

“Now then if everyone will kindly get back on task,” he said, starting up the aisle. “We are here to replace the lamp that someone broke last week with their emotional escapades.”

He smirked as Roman made offended noises.

“In my defense,” Roman said. “It was a good idea at the time!”

Virgil snickered. “In what way was hurling the lamp at a spider a good idea, Prince Smarming?”

“I was defending Patton’s honor!”

“My hero.” Patton giggled, undoubtedly pressing a quick kiss to Roman’s cheek. “If it makes you feel better, kiddo, it was probably the bravest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“His screams reached a decibel only dogs should be able to hear.” Logan chuckled. “I would hardly qualify that as brave.”

Roman gasped dramatically and Logan turned back just in time to see him drape himself over a nearby display couch.

“Your words! They wound me!” Roman fake-coughed weakly. “Go on my loves! Live on without me! I fear, I shall have to perish here, slain by barbed speech.”

Logan rolled his eyes, sharing a look with Virgil. Patton, however was swept up in the performance. He was kneeling by their boyfriend’s “bedside,” grasping his hand and crocodile tears forming in his eyes.

“Don’t die, Ro!” Patton exclaimed. “There must be something we can do!”

“Alas,” Roman fake-coughed. “The only way I can be well again is by true loves k-“

He was cut off by Patton’s lips smushing against his. He pulled back with a grin and looked at the other two expectantly.

Virgil rolled his eyes, but complied nonetheless, placing a gentle peck between Roman’s eyebrows.

They all turned to Logan.

“Lo?” Roman asked. “Care to break this ailment? I need all my True Loves to do it.”

Logan leveled his best poker face at Roman, staring him directly in the eye.

“Die then.”

He turned on his heel and resumed looking for a suitable lamp, smothering the grin as Virgil laughed behind him and Roman made his patented “offended Prince noises.”

“You’re going to pay for that, Sanders!”

“Lo, run!” Patton shouted. “He got a second wind!”

Logan didn’t hesitate to start sprinting down the aisle, narrowly dodging the only other shopper who had elected to come on a Wednesday morning. It was a sweet-looking old lady he simply hoped Roman didn’t topple. His efforts were all for naught, though. Roman was a good deal more athletic than he was and easily caught up to him. Once he did Logan found himself lifted off the ground and in Roman’s arms bridal-style. Or as Roman insisted on calling it: “damsel in distress style.”

He huffed as Roman placed another, victorious kiss on his cheek before carrying him to the others.

“Can we find a lamp now?” Logan grumbled. “This is already more time than we allotted to make our selection.”

“Oh hush, Pocket Protector.” Virgil said, shrugging. “This place is a never ending maze anyway. Even if we’d found the lamp by now there no guarantee we would have made it out. Plenty of people get lost in here, after all. There’s no way everyone has made it out. Come to think of it, that’s probably where their employees come from. I mean I know I’ve never seen a sign in here saying their hiring. The employees are just the customers that didn’t get out, their lost souls fueling the massive beast as it leeches-“

“Boop!” Patton declared, poking Virgil in the nose. “That’s enough of that dark rabbit hole. Let’s shed some light and find a lamp!”

Logan felt Roman’s hearty chuckle as Virgil gave Patton an affronted look at being “booped.” He tugged the other man’s shirt and Roman gracefully set him back on the floor. Roman didn’t let go entirely, though. Instead he threaded on arm through Logan’s and the other through Virgil’s. Patton joined in, gleefully sandwiching Virgil and monopolizing his willowy hands.

“Alright gentlemen!” Roman said loudly. “Our quest to relight the living room begins now!”

Logan furrowed his brow. “Wouldn’t it have started when we first entered-“

“Now!” Roman took off, yanking the others behind him in a clumsy chain of confused limbs.

***

When they finally did reach the acceptable lamps, there was a disagreement about which lamp was best suited for the room in question. Roman wanted one that looked like a lamppost and had a glittering miniature of the Eiffel Tower inside its glass casing. Patton wanted one that was covered in paw prints. And Logan, being the only one with any practical sense between them, had selected one with a sensible navy lampshade and silver pole.

Eventually, Virgil’s true status as a saint shone through, having found a lamp with interchangeable shades and selecting one similar to each of their choices. (And if Logan saw the lampshade patterned with silver spiderwebs buried under the others, it wasn’t as if he was going to “call out” their best argument ender.)

They did find the exit, much to Virgil’s strange disappointment, and Logan began checking them out. Which Patton began making jokes about, over the sounds of Virgil and Roman bickering.

“Well what did you think was going to happen, Fall Out Boy? That they’d know you had caught onto their conspiracy and take you out?”

“Say Logan, how often would you say you check us out?”

“Well a guy can hope! It’s not my fault the spirit of IKEA is a doggone coward!”

“Cause I think I check you out pretty often, and I wanna make sure we’re on the same page.”

“Virgil! Do not incur the wrath of the IKEA spirit! They might actually take you and I would be utterly distraught!”

“Listen, Lo-Lo, I just wanna get one thing straight.”

“Eh, you’ve got two more boyfriends. You’ll be good.”

“I’m not.” Patton giggled.

Roman gasped dramatically and Logan handed the cashier the money and an apologetic look.

“How dare you assume I would not be beside myself with grief at your passing! Don’t you know I would fight heaven and hell-“

“And IKEA?” Logan mumbled.

“Yes thank you, and IKEA- in order to restore you to our side?”

Virgil shrugged. “Listen if getting my soul sucked out and having my corpse wander a labyrinth-store for the rest of eternity is how I go out, it’s how I go out.”

Roman scoffed. “You seem to forget I would not be the only one grieving you.”

Unexpectedly, he grabbed Logan’s face and pushed it towards Virgil, squishing his cheeks upwards uncomfortably.

“Look at that face!” Roman cooed. “Is that a face you can let grieve you forever?”

Virgil rolled his eyes and gently took Logan’s face from Roman. Logan uttered a small protest before Virgil started carding his fingers through his hair and held him to his chest. It felt a bit awkward, as they were standing, but Virgil had a few inches on him when he wasn’t slouching and the thud of his heartbeat was comfortably slow.

Virgil hummed and it reverberated pleasingly through Logan’s skull.

“I guess if it would make Logan sad…”

“Oh come on!” Roman scoffed. “My handsome face isn’t enough for you to stop becoming an ikea zombie?”

Logan felt Virgil shrug. “Logan’s cuter.”

Logan chuckled as Patton giggled and agreed, though being Patton he soothes the wound by saying Roman was more handsome.

Roman waxed poetic about his hurt ego all the way to the car, and got to carry the bags for his troubles. Which only made him lament more.

Patton ended up taking one of the bags, the light one with all the shades in it, and used his other hand to stroke Roman’s arm soothingly. It did the trick and Roman was primarily bluster when they entered the vehicle, all actual offense smoothed out of him.

Logan took the wheel, rolling his eyes fondly as Roman attempted to drape himself across Virgil’s lap, only to get hindered by the seat belt. Which he promptly got his scarf tangled in.

Virgil was helping him out of it as Patton slid into the passenger seat. He smiled at Logan, and Logan felt incredibly blessed that he could smile back.

“I love you all.” He declared contentedly. “But I am never going shopping with you again.”


End file.
